Gradually I noticed paint brush/pencils would fall from my hand without special care. Hand pain of unknown origin led to multiple doctor visits, resulting in surgery fusing C5 and C6 to correct misalignment. This ineffective quick fix required a second surgery. Drawing became more difficult; the drawings also became more abstract, reflecting the spiritual dimension of my experience. A hand sketched in colors of healing, rising from water suggested I was emerging from connection with something deeper and reaching toward something good, though I was not able to see what it might be (image 3).

In second surgery I learned damage done in first surgery was irreversible: I had to live with permanent neurological damage. I dealt with non-stop physical pain that peaked at unbearable when thumb/index finger touched anything (image 4). I became terrified: an artist, unable to hold tools of my trade (image 5). The paint brush became unbearably heavy; my joy became impossible burden (image 6). Pain encompassed me.